I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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