Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
