How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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