Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I still have a little drunk in my system
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize