Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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