I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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