Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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