I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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