i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
