My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
