Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
