Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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