I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
