I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
