how can u be prego again
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize