You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
