He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize