I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
