i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Need sex. Gaining weight.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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