It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
