you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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