There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
