the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
