in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
