They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My vagina just recognized that song.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
