weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
