Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
