bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize