Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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