I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
