I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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