I like to think it a success when the cops are called
operation harelip BJ is a go
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
