Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
