I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
