just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
