U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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