there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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