Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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