I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
