It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
