So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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