dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize