Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
