you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
