A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
