I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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