im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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