Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
