I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize