I feel like abortions should bother me more
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize