Welp...herpes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
