You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
