Who did Billy Mays play for?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
