Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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