dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
