The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
