I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
