i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
