Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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