He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
