She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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