we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
