Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
