she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
