I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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