just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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