good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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