Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
