the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
