I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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