I need help removing her.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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