I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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