I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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