Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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