well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize