The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize