Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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