areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
